Spanking Kids

by Mama B
(Southern Ontario)

How do you feel about spanking kids?

Answer to Spanking Kids by Kristina Miller:

My book is purposely vague on spanking because...

1) While I don't believe spanking children is morally wrong,
2) There's almost always another way, plus it can get out of hand.

I know there are situations when the quickest and the most efficient way to get a younger child (age 7 and under) to refocus and get back on the right track is with a spanking, or sometimes just the threat that a spanking comes next if the behavior doesn't stop immediately. This is the case when a child gets into a spiral and can't get out and physically does need to refocus.

It's not that the spanking hurts the child, or that you're hitting hard with the intent to injure so they "remember" it. It's about redirecting and refocusing. It really truly can be helpful in that context, and sometimes literally nothing else will work. Children who can get hyper-focused and locked into an obsessive thought or a rage spiral can be helped tremendously by an appropriate "spanking." If your child has a tendency to spiral, you know what I mean!

But usually, especially with older kids, it is completely unnecessary and there is a better way. Especially if you are trying to teach your child not to hit or not to bite or not to be disrespectful, it can be hypocritical to spank, especially if they are old enough to understand that irony.

I don't recommend it for most normal kids, nor do I recommend it for older kids. Even with kids locked hard into a particular behavior, there are other refocusing techniques you can use to snap them out of it. And sometimes that is all they need. But usually it does have to be physical, such as taking their hands and physically making them clean up a particular mess, or something of that sort.

You will find lots of suggestions and alternatives to spanking kids in my ebook. The whole program in general should keep kids from getting to the point where a parent feels like they need to spank in the first place. In my line of work, we obviously need to get children to a very high level of discipline (sometimes starting from a very low level of discipline and multiple behavioral or emotional problems) because they can do dangerous things. In Martial Arts, the children are taught to fight with weapons and no padding, or do wristlocks and sweeps, throw partners, kick or punch other students without hurting them, and teach others. We never use spanking to discipline. At home they need to be responsible for cleaning or doing chores, doing their homework, etc. There are plenty of other tricks in the discipline toolbox that work to reorder a child's habits and behaviors. :)

Comments for Spanking Kids

Click here to add your own comments

I agree there is never a good reason to spank a child!
by: Marley

I don't believe in spanking your children. For one it's completely unnecessary. For two it leaves you worse off in the long run. I feel that people don't spank their kids for the child's benefit. My opinion is that they only do it because they are so frustrated and angry that the child isn't listening to them. And instead of cooling off and then talking to the child. They take their anger out by spanking their child.

For example we have all seen it, from friends or family members or just plain in public. A mom will be telling her child, no. The child doesn't listen, the mom says it again. "no." Again the child doesn't listen the mom gets a little louder and says, "Stop that." Again child continues not to listen. So the mom says again a little louder, "I Said No!" Again the child doesn't listen. The mom is screaming by this point! "NO!" Again child pays no attention to mom. Mom screams again! "STOP IT!" By this point the mom is so filled with anger and so she grabs the kid and spanks him. The kid cries. What did that just teach him other then Mom is mad?

I knew a girl that would go to the same play area that I would go to. And she told me that she didn't believe in time outs. She said they were down right mean. But, she strongly believed in spanking. That her parents did it to her and it made her listen. Well every time we would go to the park she would be there with her son. And every time her son would do something wrong it would't do that....I Said No!....STOP THAT!...NO!....STOP THAT...I SAID NOOOOO! By this point you could tell she was mad. She would grab her kid, spank him. He would bawl. Then she would hug and console him. And what did that just teach him?? She is not the only one I have seen do that either. Needless to say it happened so much that, that park was no longer fun and we switched parks.

I was very blessed with a very good child. She is normally very good at listening. And doing what I tell her. But, she has times like every child where they misbehave. Obviously I don't believe in spanking. I don't believe in yelling either. Don't get me wrong. I have yelled a time or two. But, I have learned it really doesn't do anything. It makes them almost want to misbehave more. And it makes you as a mom upset in the end. Besides screaming no at a kid doesn't really explain why not to, to them. So, I taught myself to calmly but seriously get down to my child's level and talk to them and tell them what they are doing wrong. If she decides to continue I repeat basically what I just did. If for a 3rd time she doesn't listen I put her into a time out for a few minutes. When she gets out of the time out I again explain to her what she did wrong. And then I tell her I love her. :)

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Discipline Methods.